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Monday, October 12, 2009

30

I've been planning on doing a blog about being thirty since well, I turned 30. I'm about to turn 31...yikes...so I guess I better share my thoughts, wisdom, etc soon.

The only thing is, when I planned on writing this blog, I was in a much different place mentally than I am today. This year has probably been one of the most eye opening of my life, to put it gently. I thought I was just going to make this happy list of how great it is to be thirty (mostly) but then life kicked me upside the head and made me grow up.

So here is my big revelation about being thirty; if life/God/the universe hasn't dropped a big bomb on you yet, it's going to. You can't stay in a fairy tale forever (that was me) as much as you want to. Now, I'm not saying lose touch with your childhood self by any means. I wouldn't trade all my NKOTB insanity this past year for anything. I'm just saying, don't assume that just because you are thirty, you've got it all figured out. Don't live in a fog. Keep your eyes open and if they aren't open yet, open them before something makes you do it. That's not fun. At all.

I HAVE gathered some wisdom about being thirty that is a little easier to swallow, so here it is:

1. Teenagers think you are old and you think teenagers are babies. Realizing that you actually contemplated getting naked with another teenager when you were a that young is pretty freaky because you now know, you knew NOTHING.
2. You will no longer be able to tell who is 21 vs. 25 vs. 32. This is because you don't really feel like you've changed much since you were about 25. It blows my mind every time an employee has a birthday and I assume we are close in age...it turns out he's only 22! Which means he was in like 6th grade when I finished high school.
3. You know exactly where all your wrinkles will be when you are 40 because they are now fine lines that will not go away.
4. You realize all that obsessing over your body, how you acted around others, if you were cool or sexy, was a big waste of time in your teens and twenties. You are great just the way you are. If only you could be skinny, eat what you want, be wrinkle free like back then AND feel so confident in yourself! Damn! Youth really is wasted on the young.
5. Everything you liked as a kid is now labeled "classic" or "retro". Teens are watching movie versions of it, wearing it on their Hot Topic tees, acting like they created it all while you think "Are they nuts? We did that 20 years ago!" (boys in neon high tops, really?)
6. By 30, you probably know who your real friends are because they are still around. That is awesome.
7. Women really do reach their sexual peak in their thirties...woo hoo!(If only you could be skinny, eat what you want, be wrinkle free like back then AND feel so confident in yourself! Damn! Youth really is wasted on the young.) I think it's more a mental thing than a biological thing...but that's just my opinion.
8. You start to realize why that "pervy older dude" or "creepy old lady" stared at you when you were younger. It's because you were young and hot and they still felt young and hot. Examples for me, Taylor Lautner and Zac Efron. Hotties...Taylor isn't even 18. Yikes.
9. It's time to make some big decisions and do something about it. You are going to be FORTY in ten years. Does twenty really feel that long ago? No, I didn't think so.
10. Suddenly, it's not totally weird to think someone 35-40 is attractive and a potential bf/gf/spouse. Oh wait...no that still feels weird. Unless it's like Joey Mac or Johnny Depp.
11. You can relate to your parents so much better now.
12. Every time you get carded for alcohol it is the coolest thing EVER. It's even cooler when the liquor store clerk looks at you like you are crazy because he KNOWS there is no way you are old enough to drink and then your license says 1978. Just smile.

30. Embrace it. Be ready for it.