One year ago today I said goodbye to my old life. One year ago today, my husband helped me put my half our stuff into my apartment and said goodbye. Neither of us thought it was for good. "We just have to make it six months..." we said. One year ago today, I was shattered, I was tired, I was terrified, I didn't even know how I would eat or breathe on my own.
Today I got up and ran for over two miles non stop. I still have my apartment, I pay my own bills, Tully is happy, I have new friends, I have amazing health, I have money in the bank, I have less debt, I have a race to run, Vegas to conquer, and I can most definitely eat and breathe on my own.
I'm still not divorced. Actually going through with it is going to be really hard. Letting go is hard especially once you've forgiven someone. Especially when you still consider them a dear friend. Letting go is hard when your old friends are still on the other path of marriage and children. I know I have to let go though...it's holding this new stronger me back. I will wrap up the last 12 years in a pretty little box and store it away in a safe place in my heart...but I have to stop looking at it.
I'm still plagued with self doubt, though not as much. I still get insecure. I still need pats on the back and compliments and reminders that I have accomplished something. I still have lots of questions. What do I do now? Go it alone or with somebody? When you can suddenly do anything, it's overwhelming. I'll figure it out at some point I'm sure. For now, I'm just trying to enjoy life as much as possible. I'm enjoying my new found confidence, strength and freedom.
I'll never forget that evening a year ago, standing in my box filled living room with my mom, totally lost.
Mom-"Are you hungry?"
Me-"Yeah, we could order a pizza I guess...but wait...has He eaten?" (He, being the husband that drove away a couple hours before)
See? I didn't even know how to think about a meal without worrying about him.
To celebrate, I think I'll order a pizza, just the way I like it.
No comments:
Post a Comment
I appreciate and welcome your comments. I will be moderating them though. Honestly, I don't swear and I take pride in my education so do your best to use proper language and grammar. Being passionate is one thing. Sounding like an idiot...just makes you sound like an idiot.